People seem to have a problem with the fact that my face is always looking like “I don’t like you, get out my face or go take a walk somewhere else.” Well, most people know this as Resting B*tch Face (RBF). People wonder why I’m always looking like that and there are plenty of reasons.
Defense Mechanism Against Stupidity
The first one is that I really just use it as a defense mechanism. I don’t want you coming to me for anything or even talking to me. Because I don’t like people.
I know that this is hard to believe because I am a very personable person and most people like me but people are humans and humans tend to like to mess with people or be rude. So, before they start getting on my nerves, I turn them around before they even try.
I grew up in an area that wasn’t horrible but wasn’t great either. In order to get people NOT to bother you, you have to give off a vibe (that sometimes people tend to ignore) that you don’t want to be bothered and they might be in danger. People look at your demeanor when it comes to robbing and stealing unless it is personal. But you have to let folks know they need to go somewhere else.
Shyness Was Also a Thing
Someone commented on my RBF and why they called me Evileen when I was younger. What they didn’t understand was that I was extremely shy and JUST DID NOT WANT PEOPLE TO TALK TO ME. I hated when I had to ride in cars with my friend’s parents to go pick up my friends because I was so shy it hurt.
I was just telling someone that my best friend’s dad picked me up to take me to pick my friend up from her piano lessons and I was just sitting in the car looking out the window hoping he didn’t talk to me. And I loved their family. I just literally didn’t know what to say.
Hatred of Bullies and Knowing My Temper
As a teenager, I kept that face as well. One lady gave me that hateful nickname because she said I always looked mean. Well, that was because sometimes people say things that piss you off and you want them not to even attempt to do it …. but they do it anyway. So that face is sitting there because you’re not trying to jab them in the throat.
Even AS A TEENAGER, I knew my temper. I knew it very well because I would get so angry that I had palpitations at a young age. I was killing my heart and I knew that. I had to learn to calm myself down because I was extremely violent when I was a teenager (see that story in The Story of My Mental Illness). So, when people tried to mess with me, I would go literally from 0 to 1000 real quick and it could get bad. But it was worse for me physically. Emotionally, it was pretty bad as well because I had to learn not to keep holding my rage inside of me but I also had to learn how to let the rage out in a way that didn’t hurt anyone. So I started working out at a young age. Weights were my friends and I used them. It was better than hitting people or having to go to jail.
I also had to make the Three Strikes Rule. I kept good mental inventory of someone constantly messing with me. That’s when I gave myself permission to go off. If you constantly were just messing with me, there was no start over on the count. I was just going to get you one way or another. I lost jobs because people loved to pick on you while you were working and minding your business. I think I have lost 3 jobs including the last one I had before the one I have now (I needed to lose that job).
The new manager was just literally a trash bag and, whatever she gets in life, she deserves it. She was so bad that people were just leaving. I had been at that practice for almost 7 years, been through 3 managers before she came, and she came in micromanaging. No one liked her and she was just a lurker which was annoying.
The day I knew I was fired, she kept messing with me and then told me I wasn’t a team player although I had written a memo to the medical staff in the back office months prior to this “issue” being brought up. She talked and kept talking standing behind me while I tried to do my work. Just kept talking. So I told her she needed to go somewhere because you’re really trying to pick a fight. She kept running that mouth and, honestly, it would have been her last day on this earth but she wasn’t worth it.
I had already been looking for a job. Anyhow, they sent me home for the rest of the day. She claimed I was cussing and that there were patients and stuff. Whatever. Anyhow, I went and got all my stuff just in case they fired me on Monday which they did. When it was time to bounce, I took my lil bit that I left and bounced up out there. Too bad they forgot to ask me for passwords.
Anyhow, she started all that and I wasn’t the only one complaining. I had also been talking to the doctors about the grievances that the rest of the staff had with her but that didn’t matter because this broad is a liar. So she can stay there while I work from home at the job I got 1 month after being fired. Thank you, Mandy (yes, her name would be Mandy, ole trash bag).
I often think about what I would do to people that have done me dirty if I see them in the street. There was another one too. She’s probably dead by now but she really deserved a good punch in that crooked nose of hers.
See this is the other part of me that can be mean but my main way of showing how mean I am is hitting people. I hate that talking mess. And Mandy almost got swung on because you don’t come behind someone and keep talking when they’re not talking to you. I asked her to leave me alone too. Same day I was fired, she announced that she was preggers. Good thing I didn’t beat her *ss. But she almost got it. The kid is out of her now though. Kid is like 6 now so…..
In The End….
This is really why I don’t “people” much. I have a temper and people are my triggers (see: Knowing Your Triggers). It depends on the environment and the people’s auras. But I really stay away from people so much that I rarely leave my home because even driving pisses me off so bad.
I might be doing better and learning more about myself as a person but I’m always trying to keep myself away from jail or the stupid psych ward. That was just a mess and I should be embarrassed for having to go twice. Maybe I need to stop making promises because I straight promised I wasn’t going back there and ended up right back there 12 years later.
So, if you see me with my RBF and you want to be funny and piss me off, don’t say you weren’t warned. I’m one of the nicest people until crossed. Once crossed….I can’t guarantee my response. I do my best not to go back to that place but that’s why I also write these. I reflect on where my actions come from and what to do in the future ON MY END (because you can’t control other people). The best thing for me is to take people in small doses. Well… unless it’s a Kpop concert (see: How Kpop Changed My Life (Part 3): That Time I Saw SuperM Live) or one of my favorite podcasts (see: I Went to a Podcast Show “Alone” ) .
I actually have to tell you about my favorite podcasts and YouTube people. Maybe that’s next. Maybe it’s not. Who knows? I just live here. LOL