In my other post about being a skinny African American girl Being a Skinny, Black Girl in America, I talked about how I gained weight and the response of African American men to my change in size. This blog is going to do a lot of talking about the problem that I have with losing weight and what society has to say about it (because you know that society ALWAYS has to have a say in why you do things as well as how to do them). Sadly, some people feel that what they are saying is encouraging to you but, to someone like me that has been on both sides of the coin, some of what you’re saying is extremely offensive. And lets not get into the stupid myths that people like to throw out there. So lets get started.
“Why are you trying to lose weight? You’re fine.”
I’m sorry but did I ask you if I was fine? I know I’m fine. My self-esteem is great. Thanks for the compliment but I have lived all this time in my shoes and I see myself on a daily basis. I want to lose weight because I want to lose weight. I make goals for me, not for others. I know what I am capable of and I know that I can be and do better.
“Men Like a Woman with Meat on Their Bones”
Doesn’t that sound familiar? Remember when I was skinny and people told me that no man wants a skinny woman? Yeah, they use the same “encouragement” when you want to lose weight for yourself too. So fun. Again, I don’t care what anyone thinks about anything that has to do with my body. I know how happy I am when I am in shape, seeing my muscles, and being lean. I am proud when I can run miles without getting winded. I am proud when I can go up on my weights in my (home) gym. I miss my little gym. I say this often but I miss my brother so much. I’m one of a few women that go to that small gym and it has been closed for COVID and it’s just sad that I can’t see my folks anymore and I don’t know if I will ever see them again. But working out with them or running them off weights made my day.
But I don’t ever go to the gym JUST to pacify men especially because I really don’t want a man. I will never do anything JUST to pacify a man. I love me. I love myself either way but I love myself more when I feel accomplished and, losing weight will make me feel more accomplished because I know what I can do.
Not too long ago, I was talking to a coworker that reached out to me as his son completed suicide and he wanted to talk to me about my bipolar disorder. I told him that my drug of choice was running. Since I hadn’t been able to run on a treadmill, I had become extremely depressed and unmotivated. I cannot run with a mask on and I don’t run on concrete for the sake of my knees and hips. So, when I ran one day after not running for a whole year 3 miles in 47 minutes, I was high for a good 5 days. I needed that high again.
Because of this, I got a treadmill. So I feel a lot better and the weight is coming off. Mind you, I still walk my dog. That heat makes it hard. I literally get out and walk him for long periods on the weekend as that’s the only way that I can get him out before heat comes up. During the week, I can’t walk him at like 6:00 a.m. but that will change because my daughter is going to be done with summer camp (thankfully) so we can get out there and walk a good hour before work. Yay!
In the End….
I learned (later in life than I should have) that I have to do things on my own for myself. I don’t want anyone to think I am doing anything for anything but my daughter. Others that I don’t know, know, have yet to know….. I don’t care about their opinions. I am going to make it to my license weight again on my own. I’m 231.8 lbs as of now but I will get back to 187 lbs again.
I am doing Real Appeal again through my job and I am very confident that I will do this by the end of the program. If not, my job will pay for it again. LOL
But just know that sometimes people do things for themselves. I want to be able to run 5k in a shorter time again. And I will do it because I did it before so I know I can do it again. Thanks to C25K, I will get there again and then I will do C210k next. Watch me!