Wouldn’t It Be Lovely…..
It would be lovely to say that I am ready for my daughter to go back to school and that we are alllll ready for it. But I can’t do that. Why can’t I do that? Because finding school clothes, especially pants, is hell. It has been hell for many years but now my daughter is a 15 year old that weighs a good 151 lbs at 5’2″. She is healthy and solid. So I’m now finding it even MORE difficult to find clothing for her that doesn’t irritate her.
My daughter has always had sensory processing issues with loud noises and clothing especially. She used to walk like a toy soldier and my mother would soak new uniform pants in fabric softener which worked for a while. I literally have a big trash bag of khaki uniform pants that have been barely worn. I was going to donate them but this child needs to pay for something so I’m going to have to put them up for sale.
Part of the reason I had to be put away last month was because of the constant frustration of fighting my daughter regarding her clothing for summer school (ESY) and then summer school. She would literally try to wear the same clothes every day although she had plenty of clothing that she could wear.
She would wear this one Mickey Mouse shirt when she had a good 5 of them (all from Target). She wore that one so much that it got little lint beads on it and I had to literally SEARCH for it so that I could wash it.
Friday, my daughter came out of the house with the same outfit she had worn the day before and I just walked out to the car and started cussing. I had to. You have to really walk away sometimes. We have been late to the Melwood bus because she will either sit on the toilet forever while the shower runs or just stand in the shower reflecting on her life. Then, even though I have put clothes out for her to wear, she will come out wearing the same clothes. Do you know how frustrating that is?
Now she is obsessed with a pair of shorts (from Target again) so I got her three more pairs of them and some tank tops. She really loves Target and always has, however, I get her a bunch of things FROM Target that she picks out and then she won’t wear them.
Remember how I said to pick your battles? Well, as a parent, you can only let but so much go. Teenagers stink AND some of them don’t want to take showers (my daughter but I can’t blame her because I went through the same phase in my life around 13). However, when you get your period, I have to draw the line. I cannot have you smelling like onions AND trash. Not to mention it’s HOT outside. So this is one battle I have to fight.
Do I feel like it? Nope. I sure don’t BUT I have to. Our children are a reflection of us. Although my child goes to Melwood for summer camp and they understand these things, I still can’t let this go. It’s a hygiene issue ESPECIALLY if she is on her period. I can’t let that go. I have gotten her the period panties and all that but that’s a whole different blog. She also tries to hide the fact that she is on her period so I’m always checking trash cans and wherever she tries to hide things.
Plan For This Year
So they’re likely going back to school on my birthday (not really sure due to the new COVID strain) and I feel the need to have her get ready for school and wear her uniform even if they don’t go directly back to school. I feel the need to do this to keep her in a routine. When it comes to children with autism, you HAVE to keep a routine. And this is why it all went to hell in a handbasket and got harder and harder for her to get back into a routine.
This was my fault. So I have to learn from this so that it doesn’t happen again. I need to take my daughter into a store to try clothing on but I am not really sure how that will pan out. I already ordered some pants from Old Navy that she wasn’t feeling so I’m going to have to return those (YAY!). The pants are not fitted and she didn’t like them because they were too long. When I told her to try the pants on, the first thing she asked was “Are they hard or soft?”
I am going to review the dress code again because I went on Amazon and saw some pants that might work for her as they are yoga pants. She likes yoga pants and these are khaki. I have seen some pull on pants. I don’t know if I want her to wear khaki jeggings because she’s really picky with those too.
Why Am I Writing About This?
I am writing about this because I know I am not alone. I have seen a number of other posts about this and a lot of other parents in special needs groups have said the same thing. With me having bipolar disorder, I try my best to make things easier for all involved.
The frustration that I experience as a result of this as well as the loss of money can really get to a parent, especially a single parent that gets no support (even though there is an order in place for a whole $50/mo). I actually talked to my therapist about this today (they have been giving me more frequent visits of course and I have met my deductible so my insurance will be paying for everything for the rest of the year) and she told me that I wasn’t wrong for having these feelings and expressing them. The fact that I am cognizant of the fact that this is a bit of an issue is half the battle. It’s hard but I’m trying and blogging is very important to help me cope with my feelings.
It is also to let other people know that they are not alone. It’s hard but we can get through it. We have to take it one day at a time and that’s really all I am trying to do at this point. I said I wasn’t going back to the psych ward so I have to try to live up to this promise. I said I wasn’t going back 12 years ago and that’s where I ended up 12 years later.