The Ramifications of Overturning Roe V Wade From a Mad Woman’s View

I Don’t Know Where to Start

I’ll figure it out as I go. You guys know how I write in my bipolar brain. This impacts me as a woman, a mother, an employee of a medical insurance, etc. Have you ever had to read medical charts? Well, I read one today where twins didn’t make it. Spontaneous abortion. So what are we going to do now? My job is preparing to figure out how they handle these things. That isn’t my job but, as a coder, I have to read charts and my heart will go out to people that no longer have a choice over their bodies.

Roe v Wade being overturned has surprised some people but this world is trash and nothing surprises me anymore. People wonder why I want to leave. Look at the world. Women’s rights are a thing of the past everywhere. We don’t have the freedom to make sure that we don’t get pregnant, we don’t have the freedom to mind our own uterus. We won’t have the freedom to choose our method of contraception to AVOID getting pregnant.

While I haven’t been sexually active in seven years, I use contraception because I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). I use it for the hormones. Many teens have to use contraception to regulate their periods (I worked in GYN and infertility for about nine years combined). I know the stories. I know about the different types of contraception. I know I personally don’t want an IUD because of what I have seen in the notes as far as side effects and removal. And what of my child? These are the things I have to contend with. It’s not just my uterus I have to worry about; I have a whole teenager that I have to advocate for whose periods are extremely irregular as well. I haven’t put her on anything because she is not sexually active, and I don’t really want to put her on any of the options out there in all honesty.

Many People Don’t Know This …

Around the age of 21, I had an abortion. I will tell you that, because I was sheltered before, I got out in this world, saw that men wanted me, and had a man for every single day of the week. With that, I couldn’t tell you who the father was although we mostly used condoms. I never even told my mother. But my sisters know and my boss at the time knew. In my case, I had to do it because I didn’t know who the father was and I couldn’t tell my mother especially that I had done something so stupid and gotten pregnant. One of the guys that could have been the father found a doctor (a real one), and I went to the office and had the procedure done.

Every day, I live with that decision. I do. When I got it done, I felt so guilty because I was SO sick while I was pregnant. I couldn’t hold anything down but, once I got the abortion, I ate a whole Subway Cold Cut Combo. That meal made my heart sick. I felt that I was selfish. I live with that. I knew I wasn’t going to do it again. The process wasn’t painful, there were no picketers outside of the office or anything. It was a doctor’s office.

(Skip the next five paragraphs if you don’t want to hear about my daughter’s deadbeat father)

Once I got pregnant a second time by a deadbeat that looked great on paper but totally turned out to be the worst person in the world to have a child with (unless you count someone like Hitler), I began to pay more attention to my ovulation and all that. It wasn’t going to happen again and it didn’t. But, because I had that abortion once, I wasn’t going to do it again. I was going to sleep in the bed I made. Although I did what I was supposed to do as a responsible adult (in my eyes), the deadbeat chose to skip town. Now, this isn’t some guy I just met or anything like that. I had known him for years before I even met him in person. I met him when I was dating a Nigerian guy and wanted to know more about his culture, so I went in a Nigerian chat room and that’s where I met the deadbeat. On paper, he was a good dude. From a two parent family, went to DeMatha and Howard, had god kids that he loved. I met his best friend (he has since passed), had been a teacher, and was a good uncle to his brother’s kids. Loved kids. Didn’t love the one he made though. She was the first one. Instead, he decided to hit CA, FL, and finally came back to DC where he was served when my daughter was about 6.

The sad part is that his mother became the best grandmother when she had proof that my daughter was his. She had come to see my daughter when she was little because I found her to find him. I had called him the day I went into labor, and he later told me that he knew what he was doing when I had called. He had even made a blog when the paternity test came back (his friends had all become geneticists because she was born at 37 weeks). He just KNEW she wasn’t his but, I’m no dummy. He started to put me down and tell me that I was dumb. Those were fun times.

Once paternity was proven, he decided that it wasn’t fair. So he “lost” his job and moved to Spain with the woman he later married (please believe I am not jealous, I don’t want him and I hope he has the life he deserves). My daughter has a brother that she will likely NEVER meet. So, he was making six figures (I didn’t know as he had bounced his way all around the country to let me take care of my child because I made her myself, you see) and child support was going to be higher than he wanted it to be so he “lost” his job. He claims that he “lost” it because he was served at his job and the owner of the entity (I won’t say the name of his job but it is a big architectural firm in DC) is a single mother. They wouldn’t have had to serve him at work had he not bounced around the country to get away from his responsibility.

His mother then took the reins and would keep my daughter overnight, take her to the pool, and even had her deadbeat son hang out with them (when she originally found out that she had her first biological grandchild, she wanted to come lay eyes on her and I allowed her to. She was SO happy, but she chose to step back until paternity was proven which it was). But I started to sense something was wrong. She began to show signs of dementia and I knew those signs. Well, when the deadbeat got “fired”, he got married, and started traveling the world…. on his mother’s dime. She had dementia and he wanted to keep her with him (I saw it on his blogs). His brother had to fight him to keep him away from taking some good property in DC (she had a nice condo in a NICE part of DC). Anyhow, he “was homeless” and got his child support lowered from about $1,200 (he never paid it) to $50.00/mo for a “retarded ass kid”, yes, he said that to me. I can tell you the date he said it: 9/5/2013, three days before my birthday). My daughter had not been diagnosed yet but those were his words (see My Child is Far From Retarded).

Anyhow, the payments didn’t come, and I struggled. My daughter is 16 going on 17 now and you guys have seen our stories and struggles. But I do it because I am all she has. And I have a village. My village is big and beautiful. It is made up of single mothers, single fathers, family, and friends. That village is why I am still here. I now get payments of $51.46 because the deadbeat wants to travel again. I mean, why not just stay in Spain? Yes, they took his passport. I can’t say I care and I would hate to see him on the street. The one person in the world that I hate is him. Just him. Don’t call my child names and don’t treat her like trash. Do what you want to me, but don’t mess with my child. And, yes, she is my child now. I have done all the work with my village. She is their child as well.

The Impact on Women PERIOD

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that this is taking so much more than abortion off the table. And this overturning pretty much generalizes that everyone that gets pregnant chose to be that way. Everyone uses the examples of rape and incest, but I always go a step further because I work in the medical field.

There are babies with genetic conditions that make it so that the child might not live but a few minutes once delivered. There are mothers out there that don’t get adequate care and the babies aren’t healthy or the mother might lose her life having the child. There are babies that are born with grave conditions that don’t make it after being in the NICU for weeks or months. Yes, there are some that make it and are fighters but then who pays for the medical bills? What about those mothers that are addicted to drugs and pregnant?

It’s easy to say “Well, they shouldn’t have gotten pregnant!” but there is no way that we can know the circumstances that people go through when they get pregnant. When I worked in infertility, we had to do a LOT of D&Cs. Were we going to make the mother, who was already going through emotional turmoil, carry a fetus that no longer had a heartbeat? Some babies die in the womb. Do we make the mother carry the baby until the due date? Where is the humanity?

Being pregnant is hard. Being pregnant and not having a choice in the matter is harder. Being pregnant and being judged for not foretelling the future is harder. Being pregnant and alone is hard. I really think that the world thinks that everything is a woman’s fault. If we have the child, and need assistance, we’re moochers. If we don’t have the child, we’re selfish. If we have the child and don’t need assistance but have no husband, we lose value, and no one wants us (society has told us this). What is our purpose in the world? To raise kids alone? Even married mothers are single mothers sometimes. They don’t get the support that they need from their own husbands. When I say that people change, I mean they can change for the better or for the worse.

I always use me as an example. I was a totally different person before I had my daughter. She made me a better person in many ways. She has taught me a lot as a person. She makes me see the world differently. Thankfully, we were afforded the chance for a do over in some cases but what about our children?

The Impact on TEENS

None of us were born perfect. We all made mistakes as children/teens. Some of us thought we were in love and had unprotected sex with someone we thought we loved. Some of us didn’t get attention and gave ourselves to anyone that would show it to us. Some of us were sheltered or not even really taught about sex as if it was something dirty. Some of us didn’t even know what ovulation was or how to monitor it so as to know when NOT to have sex or to use contraception (I literally learned and stuck to it after I had my daughter, I was 26). And then we have those that were raped or assaulted by their own family.

According to RAINN:

  • One in 9 girls and 1 in 53 boys under the age of 18 experience sexual abuse or assault at the hands of an adult.
  • 82% of all victims under 18 are female.
  • Females ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault.

With the overturning of Roe v Wade, our teens won’t have the chance to make those mistakes and come out unscathed (physically at least, we won’t even get into mentally right now). They won’t have a choice in their contraception, they won’t have a choice in whether they keep the baby or not. They might feel as though they can’t tell anyone and hide the pregnancy (some were already doing that). This is not going to have a good outcome. Yes, on a state level, there are alternatives but that doesn’t mean that they will tell someone before it is too late. Everyone talks about adoption but let’s ask the kids in the foster system how that worked out for them. There are some good outcomes but not always although I do know some great foster parents that don’t use children for a check. There just aren’t enough of them for the 407,493 kids that are in foster care as of Feb of this year according to Statistica.

And then we have to look at the reasons why many, if not the majority, of the kids are in foster care in the first place. If their parents can’t afford them or don’t want them, what kind of mental anguish do you think those children have to endure? I’m into true crime. Do you know how many killers come from households or environments where they were abused and continued the cycle of abuse? One of my favorite true crime and makeup YouTubers just did a HORRIBLE story where this was the case. Watch it if you choose but it WILL break your heart. Sadly, this is just ONE of many stories where people are the product of their environment.

The Impact on Parents of Teens

I’m a mother. I speak of my daughter all the time. Anyone that reads my blogs knows this. She is my world. She also has a moderate intellectual disability and autism. With that said, would you like to know the stats of sexual assault for people like her?

Because many of these instances go unreported, there can only be an estimate BUT it is said that people with disabilities have increased chances of being sexually assaulted (up to 3x the rate of people in other demographics). In my child’s case, because she has the cognitive age of an eight-year-old, she might not know what’s going on. Believe me, we have been teaching her about good touch and bad touch for many years. I have also been working with her on being so nice to people. Everyone isn’t good in this world and looking out for your well-being. It was one of the main reasons I put her in Taekwondo. I know she can fight as I have had to fight her. I know she knows what to do but sometimes we’re outnumbered, some people are drugged, some people are just brutal. Sometimes people don’t care and will take what they want. What are we supposed to do in that case? Do I raise that child? I would ultimately be the one responsible for that child.

From an Insurance Standpoint

Many women have been talking about how their doctors won’t do a tubal ligation on them if they haven’t had children or without the husband’s consent. There are reasons for this. I am not a doctor but, again, I know insurance, work with doctors, and try to look at things objectively.

Someone accused me today of saying that it’s right that doctors don’t do this when I was merely stating a fact. The fact is that many doctors DON’T want to do tubals on women because 1) Insurance usually will not cover it if it is being done electively (meaning you have no problems, you just want to be sterilized) OR 2) because people have changed their minds and, because the procedure is invasive for women, they would like you to at least have 2 kids before they do it. Getting it reversed, as of now, isn’t usually covered by insurance.

Insurance has the say in what doctors really can and cannot do unless you want to pay out of pocket. These are the rules. People think that doctors have power and make all this money. No, they don’t. The only fields that really make the money are infertility and plastic surgery because their patients pay out of pocket. So, there are rules that have to be adhered to when you are a doctor and don’t get me started on malpractice insurance. Do you know that many doctors no longer “catch babies” because of the high cost of malpractice insurance? People like to sue.

This blog is too long, and I have a lot more to say but this is where I will stop. Just know that ALL the states are not being impacted by this overturning of Roe vs Wade. Know that the majority don’t agree with this decision. Know that there are entities that will help people get the care they need for their situation. We are all in this together. Ohhh, I really wanted to talk about the insensitive comments that men have been making on this subject, but I will definitely have to put that in my next blog because it’s just … disappointing. SO disappointing. I mean, they’re literally laughing and telling us we need to keep our legs closed. But I thought it took two people to make a baby. They can just skip away while the woman has to take the brunt of the punishment by society and now by the judicial system.

Also, if you want to see what the world is going to be like in some states because of the overturning of Roe v Wade, I suggest you go on Netflix and watch a BBC Original called Call the Midwife. The show is set in times before women had autonomy of their own bodies. There are stories where women almost died because they tried to get an abortion done. There are stories where women were arrested or had to flee because they got pregnant without a mate. There are stories where teachers lost jobs because they got pregnant without being married (that actually happened here up until a few decades ago) but it is a very enlightening series and, sadly, that’s where many states will be. It has made me cry a number of times as well.

I might have to do a part two of this. But understand, we will get through this even if we have to do an Underground Railroad for pregnant women in red states. I was raised pro-life, but I will NEVER dictate what another woman does with her body. I’m even hesitant to do so with my own daughter. I will be calling my GYN to find out some suggestions regarding my daughter and what is best for her (as all birth control, like most meds, don’t work for everyone). There have been suggestions from GYNs on TikTok. They are saying to buy a couple of Plan B’s (save some for other people as they have an expiration date of about 2 years. Please don’t be greedy).

Yes, I have more to say but I will have to continue this in another blog because there is so much to unpack and I’m still really trying to wrap my brain around all the ways this is going to impact us as a society, as women, as mothers, as humans. I’m truly just really disappointed in the responses or lack of responses from men. The laughing is really hard. It makes me question our real purpose in this world to them. But, like I said, I haven’t had sex in seven years. Most aren’t even worth it and that’s also sad.

The Ramifications of Overturning Roe V Wade From a Mad Woman’s View

I Don’t Know Where to Start

I’ll figure it out as I go. You guys know how I write in my bipolar brain. This impacts me as a woman, a mother, an employee of a medical insurance, etc. Have you ever had to read medical charts? Well, I read one today where twins didn’t make it. Spontaneous abortion. So what are we going to do now? My job is preparing to figure out how they handle these things. That isn’t my job but, as a coder, I have to read charts and my heart will go out to people that no longer have a choice over their bodies.

Roe v Wade being overturned has surprised some people but this world is trash and nothing surprises me anymore. People wonder why I want to leave. Look at the world. Women’s rights are a thing of the past everywhere. We don’t have the freedom to make sure that we don’t get pregnant, we don’t have the freedom to mind our own uterus. We won’t have the freedom to choose our method of contraception to AVOID getting pregnant.

While I haven’t been sexually active in seven years, I use contraception because I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). I use it for the hormones. Many teens have to use contraception to regulate their periods (I worked in GYN and infertility for about nine years combined). I know the stories. I know about the different types of contraception. I know I personally don’t want an IUD because of what I have seen in the notes as far as side effects and removal. And what of my child? These are the things I have to contend with. It’s not just my uterus I have to worry about; I have a whole teenager that I have to advocate for whose periods are extremely irregular as well. I haven’t put her on anything because she is not sexually active, and I don’t really want to put her on any of the options out there in all honesty.

Many People Don’t Know This …

Around the age of 21, I had an abortion. I will tell you that, because I was sheltered before, I got out in this world, saw that men wanted me, and had a man for every single day of the week. With that, I couldn’t tell you who the father was although we mostly used condoms. I never even told my mother. But my sisters know and my boss at the time knew. In my case, I had to do it because I didn’t know who the father was and I couldn’t tell my mother especially that I had done something so stupid and gotten pregnant. One of the guys that could have been the father found a doctor (a real one), and I went to the office and had the procedure done.

Every day, I live with that decision. I do. When I got it done, I felt so guilty because I was SO sick while I was pregnant. I couldn’t hold anything down but, once I got the abortion, I ate a whole Subway Cold Cut Combo. That meal made my heart sick. I felt that I was selfish. I live with that. I knew I wasn’t going to do it again. The process wasn’t painful, there were no picketers outside of the office or anything. It was a doctor’s office.

(Skip the next five paragraphs if you don’t want to hear about my daughter’s deadbeat father)

Once I got pregnant a second time by a deadbeat that looked great on paper but totally turned out to be the worst person in the world to have a child with (unless you count someone like Hitler), I began to pay more attention to my ovulation and all that. It wasn’t going to happen again and it didn’t. But, because I had that abortion once, I wasn’t going to do it again. I was going to sleep in the bed I made. Although I did what I was supposed to do as a responsible adult (in my eyes), the deadbeat chose to skip town. Now, this isn’t some guy I just met or anything like that. I had known him for years before I even met him in person. I met him when I was dating a Nigerian guy and wanted to know more about his culture, so I went in a Nigerian chat room and that’s where I met the deadbeat. On paper, he was a good dude. From a two parent family, went to DeMatha and Howard, had god kids that he loved. I met his best friend (he has since passed), had been a teacher, and was a good uncle to his brother’s kids. Loved kids. Didn’t love the one he made though. She was the first one. Instead, he decided to hit CA, FL, and finally came back to DC where he was served when my daughter was about 6.

The sad part is that his mother became the best grandmother when she had proof that my daughter was his. She had come to see my daughter when she was little because I found her to find him. I had called him the day I went into labor, and he later told me that he knew what he was doing when I had called. He had even made a blog when the paternity test came back (his friends had all become geneticists because she was born at 37 weeks). He just KNEW she wasn’t his but, I’m no dummy. He started to put me down and tell me that I was dumb. Those were fun times.

Once paternity was proven, he decided that it wasn’t fair. So he “lost” his job and moved to Spain with the woman he later married (please believe I am not jealous, I don’t want him and I hope he has the life he deserves). My daughter has a brother that she will likely NEVER meet. So, he was making six figures (I didn’t know as he had bounced his way all around the country to let me take care of my child because I made her myself, you see) and child support was going to be higher than he wanted it to be so he “lost” his job. He claims that he “lost” it because he was served at his job and the owner of the entity (I won’t say the name of his job but it is a big architectural firm in DC) is a single mother. They wouldn’t have had to serve him at work had he not bounced around the country to get away from his responsibility.

His mother then took the reins and would keep my daughter overnight, take her to the pool, and even had her deadbeat son hang out with them (when she originally found out that she had her first biological grandchild, she wanted to come lay eyes on her and I allowed her to. She was SO happy, but she chose to step back until paternity was proven which it was). But I started to sense something was wrong. She began to show signs of dementia and I knew those signs. Well, when the deadbeat got “fired”, he got married, and started traveling the world…. on his mother’s dime. She had dementia and he wanted to keep her with him (I saw it on his blogs). His brother had to fight him to keep him away from taking some good property in DC (she had a nice condo in a NICE part of DC). Anyhow, he “was homeless” and got his child support lowered from about $1,200 (he never paid it) to $50.00/mo for a “retarded ass kid”, yes, he said that to me. I can tell you the date he said it: 9/5/2013, three days before my birthday). My daughter had not been diagnosed yet but those were his words (see My Child is Far From Retarded).

Anyhow, the payments didn’t come, and I struggled. My daughter is 16 going on 17 now and you guys have seen our stories and struggles. But I do it because I am all she has. And I have a village. My village is big and beautiful. It is made up of single mothers, single fathers, family, and friends. That village is why I am still here. I now get payments of $51.46 because the deadbeat wants to travel again. I mean, why not just stay in Spain? Yes, they took his passport. I can’t say I care and I would hate to see him on the street. The one person in the world that I hate is him. Just him. Don’t call my child names and don’t treat her like trash. Do what you want to me, but don’t mess with my child. And, yes, she is my child now. I have done all the work with my village. She is their child as well.

The Impact on Women PERIOD

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that this is taking so much more than abortion off the table. And this overturning pretty much generalizes that everyone that gets pregnant chose to be that way. Everyone uses the examples of rape and incest, but I always go a step further because I work in the medical field.

There are babies with genetic conditions that make it so that the child might not live but a few minutes once delivered. There are mothers out there that don’t get adequate care and the babies aren’t healthy or the mother might lose her life having the child. There are babies that are born with grave conditions that don’t make it after being in the NICU for weeks or months. Yes, there are some that make it and are fighters but then who pays for the medical bills? What about those mothers that are addicted to drugs and pregnant?

It’s easy to say “Well, they shouldn’t have gotten pregnant!” but there is no way that we can know the circumstances that people go through when they get pregnant. When I worked in infertility, we had to do a LOT of D&Cs. Were we going to make the mother, who was already going through emotional turmoil, carry a fetus that no longer had a heartbeat? Some babies die in the womb. Do we make the mother carry the baby until the due date? Where is the humanity?

Being pregnant is hard. Being pregnant and not having a choice in the matter is harder. Being pregnant and being judged for not foretelling the future is harder. Being pregnant and alone is hard. I really think that the world thinks that everything is a woman’s fault. If we have the child, and need assistance, we’re moochers. If we don’t have the child, we’re selfish. If we have the child and don’t need assistance but have no husband, we lose value, and no one wants us (society has told us this). What is our purpose in the world? To raise kids alone? Even married mothers are single mothers sometimes. They don’t get the support that they need from their own husbands. When I say that people change, I mean they can change for the better or for the worse.

I always use me as an example. I was a totally different person before I had my daughter. She made me a better person in many ways. She has taught me a lot as a person. She makes me see the world differently. Thankfully, we were afforded the chance for a do over in some cases but what about our children?

The Impact on TEENS

None of us were born perfect. We all made mistakes as children/teens. Some of us thought we were in love and had unprotected sex with someone we thought we loved. Some of us didn’t get attention and gave ourselves to anyone that would show it to us. Some of us were sheltered or not even really taught about sex as if it was something dirty. Some of us didn’t even know what ovulation was or how to monitor it so as to know when NOT to have sex or to use contraception (I literally learned and stuck to it after I had my daughter, I was 26). And then we have those that were raped or assaulted by their own family.

According to RAINN:

  • One in 9 girls and 1 in 53 boys under the age of 18 experience sexual abuse or assault at the hands of an adult.
  • 82% of all victims under 18 are female.
  • Females ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault.

With the overturning of Roe v Wade, our teens won’t have the chance to make those mistakes and come out unscathed (physically at least, we won’t even get into mentally right now). They won’t have a choice in their contraception, they won’t have a choice in whether they keep the baby or not. They might feel as though they can’t tell anyone and hide the pregnancy (some were already doing that). This is not going to have a good outcome. Yes, on a state level, there are alternatives but that doesn’t mean that they will tell someone before it is too late. Everyone talks about adoption but let’s ask the kids in the foster system how that worked out for them. There are some good outcomes but not always although I do know some great foster parents that don’t use children for a check. There just aren’t enough of them for the 407,493 kids that are in foster care as of Feb of this year according to Statistica.

And then we have to look at the reasons why many, if not the majority, of the kids are in foster care in the first place. If their parents can’t afford them or don’t want them, what kind of mental anguish do you think those children have to endure? I’m into true crime. Do you know how many killers come from households or environments where they were abused and continued the cycle of abuse? One of my favorite true crime and makeup YouTubers just did a HORRIBLE story where this was the case. Watch it if you choose but it WILL break your heart. Sadly, this is just ONE of many stories where people are the product of their environment.

The Impact on Parents of Teens

I’m a mother. I speak of my daughter all the time. Anyone that reads my blogs knows this. She is my world. She also has a moderate intellectual disability and autism. With that said, would you like to know the stats of sexual assault for people like her?

Because many of these instances go unreported, there can only be an estimate BUT it is said that people with disabilities have increased chances of being sexually assaulted (up to 3x the rate of people in other demographics). In my child’s case, because she has the cognitive age of an eight-year-old, she might not know what’s going on. Believe me, we have been teaching her about good touch and bad touch for many years. I have also been working with her on being so nice to people. Everyone isn’t good in this world and looking out for your well-being. It was one of the main reasons I put her in Taekwondo. I know she can fight as I have had to fight her. I know she knows what to do but sometimes we’re outnumbered, some people are drugged, some people are just brutal. Sometimes people don’t care and will take what they want. What are we supposed to do in that case? Do I raise that child? I would ultimately be the one responsible for that child.

From an Insurance Standpoint

Many women have been talking about how their doctors won’t do a tubal ligation on them if they haven’t had children or without the husband’s consent. There are reasons for this. I am not a doctor but, again, I know insurance, work with doctors, and try to look at things objectively.

Someone accused me today of saying that it’s right that doctors don’t do this when I was merely stating a fact. The fact is that many doctors DON’T want to do tubals on women because 1) Insurance usually will not cover it if it is being done electively (meaning you have no problems, you just want to be sterilized) OR 2) because people have changed their minds and, because the procedure is invasive for women, they would like you to at least have 2 kids before they do it. Getting it reversed, as of now, isn’t usually covered by insurance.

Insurance has the say in what doctors really can and cannot do unless you want to pay out of pocket. These are the rules. People think that doctors have power and make all this money. No, they don’t. The only fields that really make the money are infertility and plastic surgery because their patients pay out of pocket. So, there are rules that have to be adhered to when you are a doctor and don’t get me started on malpractice insurance. Do you know that many doctors no longer “catch babies” because of the high cost of malpractice insurance? People like to sue.

This blog is too long, and I have a lot more to say but this is where I will stop. Just know that ALL the states are not being impacted by this overturning of Roe vs Wade. Know that the majority don’t agree with this decision. Know that there are entities that will help people get the care they need for their situation. We are all in this together. Ohhh, I really wanted to talk about the insensitive comments that men have been making on this subject, but I will definitely have to put that in my next blog because it’s just … disappointing. SO disappointing. I mean, they’re literally laughing and telling us we need to keep our legs closed. But I thought it took two people to make a baby. They can just skip away while the woman has to take the brunt of the punishment by society and now by the judicial system.

Also, if you want to see what the world is going to be like in some states because of the overturning of Roe v Wade, I suggest you go on Netflix and watch a BBC Original called Call the Midwife. The show is set in times before women had autonomy of their own bodies. There are stories where women almost died because they tried to get an abortion done. There are stories where women were arrested or had to flee because they got pregnant without a mate. There are stories where teachers lost jobs because they got pregnant without being married (that actually happened here up until a few decades ago) but it is a very enlightening series and, sadly, that’s where many states will be. It has made me cry a number of times as well.

I might have to do a part two of this. But understand, we will get through this even if we have to do an Underground Railroad for pregnant women in red states. I was raised pro-life, but I will NEVER dictate what another woman does with her body. I’m even hesitant to do so with my own daughter. I will be calling my GYN to find out some suggestions regarding my daughter and what is best for her (as all birth control, like most meds, don’t work for everyone). There have been suggestions from GYNs on TikTok. They are saying to buy a couple of Plan B’s (save some for other people as they have an expiration date of about 2 years. Please don’t be greedy).

Yes, I have more to say but I will have to continue this in another blog because there is so much to unpack and I’m still really trying to wrap my brain around all the ways this is going to impact us as a society, as women, as mothers, as humans. I’m truly just really disappointed in the responses or lack of responses from men. The laughing is really hard. It makes me question our real purpose in this world to them. But, like I said, I haven’t had sex in seven years. Most aren’t even worth it and that’s also sad.

Today Was Going to be My Last Day

When I have really bad days, I’ll just journal and publish when I am past the down times. People like to know that they are not alone.

***** WARNING, SUICIDAL IDEATION****

I can tell you that I told my therapist the other day that I was not going back to the psych ward and I mean it. But I will be using other means to obtain the desired effect if needed. I take my meds everyday but they gave me some pain meds too and I have a refill. I was ready to take all the drugs I had in the house and wash it down with Tito’s, wine, and whatever else I had. I will say that TikTok has been helping me out more. I’m falling back from true crime for some reason. I’ve been trying to read and listen to books about people from other countries that have it worse that I do so that I can appreciate what I have.

What Freaked Me Out?

My job has really been doing a number on me lately to the point that I have to find a part time job. I always seem to have some allegiance to businesses that don’t treat me the way that I should be treated. I don’t have that problem in romantic relationships. I won’t accept that, but I accept mistreatment from my job because they pay me, I guess. I probably stay because there are people out here with no jobs and no insurance.

Last week, I was informed that I was being put on a new project. I was on the last project I was on for about 2 months. With this new project, I am getting a new supervisor once I finish training (which is also taking from the overtime that I could be getting). They claim this is a good thing and it means that we’re good workers, but the money doesn’t reflect it and I’m getting frustrated. With every new project, we have to literally reset our brains for how we code things for a new client.

This year alone (this is June now), I will have had 6 supervisors. It’s not because they’re leaving the organization in all cases, but their position isn’t the best and they’re not even treated that great. Some of them don’t feel they have a voice. They also don’t get paid enough for all the stuff they have to do. Because of this, they move to other departments, and some have left the company (or been asked to leave).

Somehow, it doesn’t seem as though upper management cares that they keep moving us around and I know it has to be hard for the supervisors as well but imagine the frustration when you have to get used to a new supervisor every month of the year. I have been with this organization for almost 7 years and have had 8 supervisors. When it comes time for my yearly review, they have to ask 6 people (for now) how I performed. Like, WTF for real?

I will say that I have been lucky with the ones I have had so far. I still communicate with them, and one is like a sister to me. She came back to the organization but is in another department because … I mean, it’s not cool where we are.

My frustration especially lies in the fact that I am flexible enough to work these different projects but don’t obtain the funds to prove that I’m worth anything. They got rid of a program where they say nice things to you for what you do but I still do it even though nothing monetary comes from it because I like to encourage my coworkers. Words of encouragement helps people. It doesn’t have to come with a monetary gift. Just tell people they are appreciated. Put a smile on their face.

Born Leader

I know that I am a leader. No matter where I go or what I’m doing in my field, people come to me. Even when I was in the psych ward the first time, the patients came to me instead of to the counselors. They are why I obtained my worthless BS in Psychology.

I went to get a root canal yesterday and, when I came back, so many of my coworkers and a supervisor I had for all of a month had questions for me or were just looking for encouragement in things. We’re STRUGGLING! People have to move because they can’t afford where they are anymore. It’s just really hard. People are very transparent with me, and I don’t judge because I know where they’re coming from.

The Main Trainer

She’s really nice and knew that I wasn’t confident in taking the assessment today, so she gave me another set. She thought that I was ready for it, but she wanted me to build my confidence. I was grateful for that. The people on this project are on it because we score well with accuracy, and they need all hands on deck. I understand that but I really just need money. I have to overwork myself and get a part time job because, after July, the overtime will be minimal or gone altogether.

The week before last, I claimed a job (people always tell you to claim things) so I claimed a job because I interviewed well, and I don’t usually NOT get jobs when I interview for them (unless it’s with my current company because I literally throw stuff at the wall to see what will stick). Last Monday, I found out I didn’t get the position. People told me to ask why they didn’t choose me but, to me, they’re dead. They said they had a candidate that better suited the position. It was probably salary. Although I make decent money (and GOOD money when I kill myself with overtime), it is too much for some people.

I have to refine my procedure coding skills. If I can do that, I can code outpatient charts like I used to do when I was in the actual office. There are plenty of remote positions out there, but I haven’t coded for procedures in 7 years but I’m going to do some self-teaching to see if I can get back out in the world. I discussed this with my social worker through my job. I discussed my blog with her about what 001 on Stranger Things and she agreed that people are literally just trying to survive. It’s just so stupid.

How I Got Over It

I took the dog for a walk (he got on my nerves), but we walked. Then I just listened to my Spotify because music just makes me happy. All genres of music make me happy, so I just put on my random list and listened to all my songs and got happy again; songs that I haven’t listened to in a while.

In Reality …

I have things to be thankful for. My therapists keep telling me to ask for help but I’m tired of asking for help. It makes me feel like a failure. In the questionnaire, one of the very questions is if you feel like a failure to your family and I do. I always have. I’m a single mother with a special needs child, no father to her, and I’m always struggling. They tell me there’s nothing wrong with asking for help but there is. I should be able to do this on my own.

I have insurance for that root canal I got. I have to get a crown put on it with a permanent filling. I have an HSA for that ($891.00). I am grateful. I still have a roof over my head. I am grateful. My daughter and the animals have food in their bellies, I am grateful. I feel bad that I am not going to be able to let her to go camp this year because it is literally one of the things that makes her the happiest every year, but the price is too high this year and I just don’t have it. I’m waiting on a response for another part time position doing the same thing that I am doing for some extra money.

In reality, I’m just really tired. I don’t know what else to do and this world is trash. I don’t want to be here anymore. I just don’t. But I have to sit here and do what society says is right and live until someone takes my life or I die. Oh joy!

Note: These were my thoughts as of 6/21/2022. A lot has changed.

We All Have Personal Problems

As a mother to a child with special needs, sometimes I get into my own head especially at the end of the school year when kids are graduating, going to prom, learning how to drive, and the like.

It makes me think of the things that I will likely miss out on. This is a common part of the grieving process when you have a child that won’t be able to do many things. I have spoken about this in my daughter’s blog and how it feels when your child first gets diagnosed.

My beautiful child was diagnosed with a moderate intellectual disability (formerly called “mental retardation”. We don’t use that word anymore and if you were to say it to me or my daughter in my presence, I would take a trip back to the psych ward gladly). She is 16 but her cognitive age is likely to get to the age of 8. I did not expect that diagnosis when I took her for evaluation (see: The Day My World Changed).

At her age, I was a reader, a great student, and I had dreams. My daughter can’t really read but her grades are good in her SpEd classes. She makes the Honor Roll and does her best. I spray her bear with lavender every day (the one she fought me for in February), kiss her on the head, hug her, and tell her I love her every day before school. I am so proud of what she has done in her life so far.

Loving WHO My Child is and is Becoming

People say that I underestimate her, and I did in the beginning. I don’t anymore but I also am realistic. She has a yellow belt in Taekwondo. I can’t even get through the first form. She is extremely observant. She can memorize choreography and make friends wherever she goes. She is a light to the world. She’s smart in a way that other people aren’t. I’m getting her tested for autism as they didn’t mention that in their original diagnosis, but she has the signs, and I am working with state programs to help. The ARC and DORS have already contacted me, and she is registered in Ready at 21 which is to help the kids, once they get out of high school, to get out there and take care of themselves. I will get her a huge dog though. I know I have to let her go but I also don’t want her to be taken advantage of.

I need to learn to appreciate those things about my child and stop looking at what I was doing at her actual age. Eight was a good age though, I’ll say that much. I was pretty happy. We got to go to the library every week or two and I would get my Babysitter’s Club books (we were allowed 5 books each when I was little) and I loved to read so much that I got an award in elementary school for being an outstanding reader. She doesn’t read and reading to her is hard because she will stop you to ask a million questions. She doesn’t understand a lot of things, especially death and, when I try to explain things to her, I feel that it’s a gift and a curse that she doesn’t understand this world, but I need her to be safe.

While I was looking into getting my Master’s (that I literally can’t afford), I saw advocacy programs. One thing that I have a problem with when it comes to the government is the fact that, if my child makes a little over what disability will give her (when she turns 18 because I make too much for her to get it now), she won’t get it anymore. They want them to work menial jobs in many cases, so they don’t have to pay the money that is rightfully theirs. They didn’t ask to have a disability. Also, if my daughter were to get married and both were getting disability, it would be taken away. I feel that it’s unfair personally and would like to do something about it but don’t know where to start. But the last time I tried to speak up on behalf of my daughter that doesn’t really pay attention or care too much about the thoughts of others, I was literally bullied by disabled people (yeah, it happened. I talked about it here) on Twitter so I did kind of say they can all go to hell, and I will advocate for my child that needs my help.

Bottom Line

I want to change the world for my daughter and people like her and there are entities out there that want to do the same. I can learn from them and take it from there. But I’m constantly worried about my child and her survival in this world more than mine. She has a village. She is loved. She is valued. But there are some shady people out there and I don’t want her to have any parts of them. I can’t keep her in a bubble.

This is just me thinking. I’m on pain pills or what might be a cracked tooth I’m having all the fun now. I’m lying. I have a lot of things to blog about, especially being turned down for writing jobs. That hurt and so much more. I might assign myself one day a week to do this but I’m currently attempting to get a second job. I took the test for it, have to take a drug test, and then get on the project. Times are hard and my child is asking about Melwood which is a great summer camp for kids with special needs but the price this year is $440/wk. I don’t know if I can swing it.

Why Lori Harvey’s Dating Habits Are NOT Your Business

Next to the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard debacle, which is still going on today, Lori Harvey and Michael B Jordan’s break up after one year of dating is now the topic of discussion in the entertainment world. I’ll break this all down for everyone because everyone doesn’t know who these people are so I will give a little background.

Lori Harvey

Lori Harvey is Steve Harvey’s stepdaughter with his wife Marjorie. She is a model, an entrepreneur, and a socialite. She has been rumored to have dated celebrities including P Diddy, his son, Future, Trey Songz, and others. She is now 25 years old.

Michael B. Jordan

MBJ is a 35-year-old actor, producer, and director that has been on the screen from a very young age. Many of us remember him from HBO’s “The Wire” but he has grown up to do many great films including playing Killmonger in Black Panther alongside Chadwick Boseman (may he RIP). His resume is long, and we would be here all day if I went down his resume, but he is known as a “good” guy and has even been People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive in 2020. He has been rumored to be dating Victoria’s Secret model Cindy Bruna, actress Kiki Layne, model Ashlyn Castro, and a few others that we know of.

Dating

When it was announced that MBJ and Lori Harvey were dating, of course there were mixed reviews. Most of the mixed reviewed painted Lori in a bad light due to the celebrities she had dated before MBJ. People said she was a hoe pretty much. That was the main thing that I personally saw from the masses. Many sites have the dating history of celebrities, especially when two start dating and they were pretty hard on Lori. There’s not much that I can say about the relationship, but that MBJ seemed to do well with her family, and they seemed happy. Many women were sad about it (as if they had a chance with the man) and many men just kept calling her a hoe and pointing to her past relationships. When they broke up recently and she scrubbed her Instagram of all the photos of the two together, we knew it was over. They stated that they were “heartbroken”, and people started questioning why they couldn’t just make it work.

At this point, I started looking at the responses to this breakup and seeing that all the vitriol was pointed at Lori. I began to ask myself why. Why is it that her breaking up with MBJ seems to be the end of the world? Why is everyone mad at her? Why are we making assumptions that we know the dynamics of their relationship? What variables could have played a part in the end of this relationship? Why does it even have to be one person’s fault when a relationship that usually consists of two people comes to an end?

Body Counts

For those that don’t know what a “body count” is, it is how many people that a person has had sex with. Everyone is harping on hers, assuming she had sex with the guys that we know of and calling her a hoe. I even got called a hoe and told that I was in denial if I thought that women could have a “hoe phase” and have children later in life (more on that later. Please believe that person got cussed out). In essence, everyone is worried about the people that she “might have” slept with but not really caring about the people that MBJ dated and “might have” slept with. Why is this?

Is it because we don’t really know the women he dated? I looked the women up and wasn’t familiar with any of them in all honesty. Is it because he is under the radar with his dating life?

And once I really do some reflecting, I challenge people to tell me what they were doing at Lori’s age? What were you doing in your 20s? Are you projecting your experiences onto her? I personally didn’t lose my virginity until I was 20 because I lived a very sheltered life (see I Was Raised as a Jehovah’s Witness: My Story). When I lost my virginity, I literally had a guy for every day. Now, how would anyone KNOW that unless I told them? They wouldn’t because the men I dated weren’t celebrities. So why are we worrying about what this young, beautiful woman is doing in her 20s when we were either doing the same thing or MORE? There just aren’t any receipts for our actions.

It’s acceptable for men to sow their “wild oats” but women are to save themselves for the “perfect man”. Women have to be married or no one will want them, especially if they know all the men they dated. And this was actually said on Twitter. It seems that mostly MEN have a problem with this breakup. I don’t know if they’re attracted to MBJ (not that there’s anything wrong with that. Happy Pride!) but why is this impacting them so much?

“She Had a GOOD Man”

My response is always that “good” is a subjective term. If he’s so “good”, and we determine the worth of someone (especially women) by if they’re in a relationship or married, why isn’t HE married? Why is it all on Lori as to why they aren’t married? The rumor is that he wanted marriage and she didn’t. If that is the case, what of it? They have a 10-year difference in age.

She can either make space for the next woman to appreciate him or waste his time and hers. But sure enough, if she married him and things didn’t work out, guess who would get blamed. And why is that? Because people are still worried about the men that she dated in the past. Does she have children? Does she have an STD? So why does her past (sexual or not) matter? Nick Cannon out here having a bunch of kids, Future as well but you don’t see people mad about that. They just say “Well, as long as he takes care of them” and then continue to blame the women that have the babies with these men. Women can’t win and I really don’t think a lot of men like women or even like their own mothers.

Who is Lori actually hurting here? Who? Maybe she will regret it when she gets older but that’s HER business.

My Personal Story

When I was in my 20s, I got engaged to a VERY good man. He was good by MY standards, and he still is a VERY good man. He’s married now and happy and I am happy FOR him because, honestly, I wasn’t shit as a woman to him. I was young, just got my cherry popped, had no kids, was selfish, and had never been married. He was eight years older than I, divorced, with two little beautiful girls (that are now BEAUTIFUL, intelligent, women). We didn’t have much in common but I was there for him when his wife left him and took the babies. I was there when he cried and contemplated suicide. I was there because I genuinely cared about him. I was there when they got divorced. I was there when he lost a job and he was there for me as well. We were good together but, when I got the ring, I thought the work was done. Yup, dumb. That was my bad. And I got my Karma in the end.

I didn’t deserve him, and I tell people this all the time. When we broke off the engagement, I was 24 myself and everyone assumed HE was the cause of the demise of our relationship. No, it was me. I wasn’t a good girlfriend. I had even cheated on him once and he took me back, but the trust was gone. In MY case, I was trash. Also, in MY case, I had attachment issues as I have discussed previously. I wouldn’t allow myself to love him and he deserved better so that’s what he found. And not long after that, I was pregnant by another man. A deadbeat. Whose fault was that? MINE! Who lives with that? ME! Whose business is that? MINE! So why are we so worried about these two people that were together for a year and decided it wasn’t the right fit? And why are we assuming things when we weren’t in the relationship?

I don’t want to take it there but let’s refer back to our assumptions about Johnny Depp. Because he was a man, he was supposed to be the assailant, but he wasn’t, Amber was (don’t debate me, I watched that whole trial and blogged about it). We can’t always assume things about people. People can present a certain way for the masses but be different behind closed doors. We also don’t know what conversations were had between the TWO of them prior to making their relationship official. For all we know, she could have told MBJ that she wasn’t interested in something serious. The same way some women try to convince a man that he is ready for marriage could be the same thing that happened here. “Oh, I bet I can make her want to marry me” or “Well, I’ll try as long as it takes” but then we laugh at women in 7-year relationships with no rings. Can women do right?

Why are we going by her past but ignoring his? Do we KNOW her based off who she dated in the past? And, again, she is TWENTY-FIVE YEARS OLD! What were you doing at that age? I had my daughter at 26. I have worked in infertility. I know the stories of a lot of these women. They have things they want to do before they settle down and have kids. Some freeze eggs or embryos and some get a surrogate. And that’s ASSUMING she even wants kids. Believe it or not: There are women in this world that don’t want marriage nor kids. It happens.

Getting Called a Whole HOE on Twitter

Oh yeah, I muted that conversation after I told them that they shouldn’t assume nor generalize regarding women because they were talking about women being fat and not getting a man. I’m like “But I know some that can pull a man and marry them. But what does that have to do with their worth and what do YOU look like since you have all the answers?” So, because they were generalizing and making assumptions, I told them that I would join in, called them all a bunch of incels, and muted the conversation. I’m too smart for that stupidity and I know for a fact none of them would say that mess to my face because … well, I hit people and other stuff.

I just don’t get why we’re talking about a woman being a hoe when men are hoes too if we want to be fair (but life isn’t fair, especially for women).

What Should Lori Had Done in YOUR Eyes?

Because we don’t know the story behind the breakup, not a soul can say what they would have done. It’s fine to have an opinion on things but vilifying a young woman whose shoes you aren’t walking in (and probably couldn’t even afford to walk in) ain’t the business. Calling her a hoe for leaving a relationship that wasn’t the right fit for HER isn’t your business. It’s like we’re telling women that they don’t have a choice in the matters of their own heart. I get it, we have a biological clock and a certain number of eggs but it’s our business. I get that he is attractive, so is she, but that doesn’t make them perfect for one another.

Also, we talk about how people only go after people for their looks but looking good doesn’t mean you’re a “good” person. There are a lot of attractive people in this world that aren’t the best at certain things. That was me with my ex-fiancé. I was pretty (still am) but I was stupid. You live and learn. But the thing is: this is her life, and she has to live and learn like the rest of us. Like I said before, she can either live to regret it or keep on stepping in her freedom. But it’s not our responsibility to shame her for making a decision (with the other party in the relationship) to go her own way. It’s also not our place to worry about who she is (or rumored to be) in a relationship with.

Every single day that we are on this earth from birth to death, we learn, and we grow. If we expect people to treat us with that knowledge, we should do them the same courtesy. I know she probably doesn’t care what people on social media say but we need to stop doing women the way we do them. It seems like we literally cannot do ANYTHING right. Reflect on that. I asked not too long ago what the world would be like if women just didn’t exist anymore and the few that answered pretty much said they wouldn’t care and that they would just die out as if our only reason for being here is to help procreate. That saddened me. We aren’t respected. When we make the right decision for us, we’re stupid. When we make the wrong decision, we’re stupid. We can’t win.

I Know You Want a Conclusion

I’m done with this rant, but it had to be said. I swear y’all hate women. Even some WOMEN seem to hate women and I don’t know what made you like this but it’s sad. It’s just sad. As if we don’t have enough to deal with. Let’s just tear women down even if we’re women. I guess it makes people feel better about their lot in life. Maybe one day they’ll learn. Like I said, people learn and grow every day and sometimes life has to humble them to make sure they learn and grow. I know it did for me.

Please read my other blogs. I have been writing blogs for 8 years (on and off) and a lot of them are still timely. I’m trying to be somebody. LOL And sorry for my tone BUT this is Rantings of a Mad Woman. Sometimes I do get mad. And share but I’m not arguing with a soul in the comments. I don’t argue with people. I’ll have a respectful debate but once people start acting ignorant, gotta exit.

How Stranger Things 4 Got to Bipolar Me

*TRIGGER WARNING*

No Spoilers, I Know!

As usual, Stranger Things didn’t disappoint (Part one of Season 4). They say this is not the last season, but they could end it and I would understand. One thing about U.S. TV shows is that we have a million seasons of things that probably should end sooner than they do. The kids are growing up but if they wanted to make a spin off, I would gladly watch. But that’s not even what this post is about.

In the very last scenes of the first half of Season 4, there was a dialogue that I had to write down because it is how my diseased mind feels a LOT, especially lately. This world is going to hell. It has already been established. Nothing is going to get better; I know that we’re supposed to think positive, but one can’t be positive when all you see is the same thing happening over and over again but getting worse each time. Or at least that’s how it seems to someone like me who is bipolar with suicidal ideations (they come back sometimes and I’m almost at a year of being out of the psych ward).

What Was Said?

Humans are a unique type of pest multiplying and poisoning our world while enforcing a structure of their own. Where others saw order, I saw a strait jacket. A cruel, oppressive world dictated by made up rules. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades; each life a faded, lesser copy of the one before. Wake up, eat, work, sleep, reproduce, and die! Everyone is just waiting for it all to be over while performing a silly, terrible play day after day after day. – #001

I Feel This … Why?

I tell people that I have a diseased mind and I do. Regular people don’t really think like this. They try to see the good in things. I try to do this, but I am constantly disappointed by people to the point that I don’t even really want to interact with them in person. Granted, I have very understanding and trustworthy friends but I trust those few only.

The truth is I do exactly what this man said: I wake up, eat, work, sleep, reproduce and wait for death. I don’t want to be here, but I know that I have to be here until I am taken away. So, I perform this “silly, terrible play” every single day because I am expected to by society. You can’t even swallow all your pills without the police coming to stop you from doing it. So, you just have to grin and bear it hoping that someone takes you out instead of having to sit here. My dad has the same feelings. I talk to him about this because we are the same in this regard. However, we have genes that don’t make that possible. I have aunts and uncles on HIS side that are in their 90s and one that turned 100. We’re screwed.

As my therapist always tells me “God has a sense of humor”. Those of us that don’t want to be here are going to be here for a long time. We wish for death, but it won’t come; at least not when we want it to come. So, we sit and wait. I have spoken in my older blogs about how I used to wonder why no one shot and killed me if I didn’t live in the best area. One day, I tried to step out in front of a car in Bethesda and a stranger pulled me back. I thanked her and cursed her at the same time. Society wants us to be thankful for life but many of us are just here because we’re supposed to be here.

We serve some purpose, or someone just wants to see us suffer. I don’t know which it is, but I guess I’ll just be here until someone or something blows us up or I die of natural causes. I also noticed that I have gotten used to struggling. I figured this out at work actually in a group. I was told that no one should get used to or be comfortable in struggling. When that is your life, what else can you expect? It becomes your reality and, when you feel powerless, you just accept it and just live with it. Even when you try to do better, things don’t get better. And this isn’t just something that you can make go away by thinking positive. When you have a brain like mine, you want to think the best, but you get disappointed so much you just have to be a “realist”. This is how you protect yourself from disappointment. It is a defense mechanism of sorts.

Sadly, There’s More: Fear

Because I have wanted things to be over so much, I now have a fear of being happy. I have always had a fear of being left alone by someone that I absolutely loved so I didn’t allow myself that privilege. I really have to tell you guys about why I let a very GOOD man go. I self-sabotaged because I was not only afraid of being happy, but I was afraid that something would take him away from me. I allowed someone in one time, and he broke my heart so bad I never tried again (I accept that as Karma in all honesty). Single by choice. Why? Because, with my luck, I’ll marry him, he’ll get cancer and I’ll have to watch him die.

I also now have a fear that, when I’m happy, all the death that I have been wishing upon myself will come to fruition and I won’t truly get to experience pure happiness. There is no one to blame but me and my broken brain.

But … these are the thoughts of a mad, suicidal, bipolar woman. This is just a slight glimpse into the mind of someone like me. Remember, my thoughts are my thoughts. I am not a representative of anyone else with my mental illness. But these are my thoughts. I don’t expect these thoughts to make sense to anyone. But they’re certainly thoughts, aren’t they?

The End?

But First, An Apology

I apologize for my absence when all the entertaining things were happening in the case. I had recaps written for each day but the babies in Texas broke my heart. They literally broke my heart, and I couldn’t write because I was trying to find out how to explain what happened to my daughter and how to cope with the loss of those little angels myself as well as their heroic teachers. I couldn’t laugh or make fun of the stupidity that was Amber Heard and her case. I’m sure everyone understands if they have a heart.

I will be writing about that subject and some of the ignorant things that people without children said before those babies were even buried. However, that is for a different time and a different mindset. May all those children Rest in Paradise and I pray for their families because I don’t know how they are coping with this. As for the survivors, I truly hope that real therapy is provided to them because this right here is the beginning of real PTSD, and I pray for them to persevere through this tragedy.

I Can’t Even Give You the Days Anymore

Day 21 through Day 24 were a hot mess. The biggest hot mess one could ever hope for, and everyone was here for it. I still don’t know how people were taking Amber’s side, but I can only hope they will see the error of their ways. With the amount of lying she did on the stand, I wouldn’t believe her if she told me I was Black.

I do believe that on Day 21, we learned about the Goldwater Rule and Ethics. There was a very posh psychiatrist that got up on that stand and made the crazy psychiatrist look like a total fool. Now, remember, I had complained about the fact that Dr. Spiegel had made a lot of accusations against JD without actually evaluating him as the other doctors had done with AH. I felt that it was wrong and unfair. And just when we needed him to descend from his throne with the APA, our grand rebuttal witness, Dr. Richard Shaw, came and set the record straight. What Dr. Spiegel had done was unethical and it really didn’t help AH’s case at all. It seemed as though all her witnesses and the people that were “helping” her were a reflection of her. Dr. Spiegel literally came undone on the stand and people have been making fun of him for a while about it. I’m not sure he will even have a job after this.

What Is the Goldwater Rule?

According to Psychology Today, it is a rule that says you cannot speculate on the mental state of public figures. This is exactly what Dr. Spiegel did when he said that the man would hit a woman because he fell asleep with food in his mouth. Well, I was on Seroquel (as JD was at the time) and would fall asleep with food in my mouth often. Why? Because it is used to calm your thoughts so that you can go to sleep. In my case, I have bipolar disorder and needed it so that I could go to sleep and not stay up all night which would cause me to become manic. With it being a sleep aid, you had to take it before you went to sleep. When you did that, it would make you hungry. It would take EVERYTHING in me NOT to get out of the bed and find something to eat. So when I tell you that I would fall asleep with food in my mouth, yes, that is what I did. When you sleep right after eating, guess what also happens: You gain weight. And I certainly did. I got up to 248 lbs because of Seroquel but I already talked about this. It was a great time when I got medication induced diabetes. Oh, the memories!

So, yes, the Goldwater Rule says to shut up when it comes to public figures especially when you’re judging based off movies. I found that to be interesting. This guy really based his judgement off movies JD had been in, the fact that he doodled, and ate candy or chewed gum during the case. I might just have a measly old Bachelor’s in Psychology but, if one were to look at his medical records and his medication list, they would see that he has ADHD hence the Ritalin and nicotine dependence, hence the gum. That man had to be fast to be on Ritalin and Seroquel and just jump up off couches to constantly beat AH. JD is also a smoker; the gum was for that. So the doodling, eating candy, and moving around were parts of those already established diagnoses. But what do I know? I just have a CPC (Certified Procedural Coder) behind my name.

Another Angel – Kate Moss

As beautiful as she was when she first got into modeling, Kate Moss was the first witness on the stand on Day 22. Why was she there? Because the habitual door opener (AH) claimed that JD had pushed Kate down the stairs. Kate Moss wouldn’t have even been in this had AH not made the mistake of claiming she hit JD because she thought he was going to push her meth head sister down the stairs as he had “pushed” Kate Moss.

Kate Moss’s testimony was short and sweet. She told the story and kept it moving. They didn’t even cross examine her because they already knew it was pointless. Kate Moss said that JD had gone downstairs, and a monsoon of sorts occurred while they were vacationing. She was coming down the stairs and literally SLIPPED and hurt herself. JD ran to her side, carried her back into the hotel room, and got medical help. The end!

When AH was questioned about why she would say something like that, she claimed that JD told her that and then she started rambling off that it was a rumor that everyone had heard. It was a serious blow to her credibility. They even asked JD about it on rebuttal, and he said the same thing. JD had no beef with a soul except for the bitter Ellen Barkin who is still mad that he chose to break up with her. She wanted to join in AH’s reindeer games and ended up looking stupid. Her testimony was worthless because he was never violent to her. He threw a bottle, didn’t hit her. What was her point again? Oh, to let the world know that he was her sexual partner at one time. She made that part known and not a soul cared.

Hand Surgeons

I can’t tell you how worthless this was. There were three hand surgeons total that testified. We had the one that was there when it happened in the ER, one that handled the surgery and rehab, and then a rebuttal witness that said that the injury didn’t occur as it was stated. I really can’t say that I cared about anything but the fact that no one is going to hit someone with a cast when they have a pin in their finger trying to hold things together. I had a nice hand injury from severing tendons in my two fingers. I wasn’t trying to hit a soul. The man plays the guitar. Why would he want to prolong not being able to do one of the things he loved to do the most? Even the treating surgeon during recovery said that there was no damage to the cast so hitting anyone with a cast was out of the question. I threw this in because I literally forgot about them because the testimony was unnecessary. However, there still are AH fans out there that don’t believe anything and everyone is paid off and a liar.

Dr. Curry v Dr. Hughes

Of course, they had to do their rebuttals. Dr. Curry was first, and she defended her stance on her diagnosis of AH. She didn’t lie. If people really listened to her and then turned around and watched AH, there was not one lie told. The Defense wanted to play games with the type of tests rendered but they forget that both of these psychologists had different specialties. Dr. Curry specialized in PTSD and had worked with people with serious PTSD. The scores that AH secured were higher than that of someone that had seen combat. She checked every box presented to her so that she could play up her problems and diminish her own flaws. There is a reason that those tests are set up and worded the way they are. As you can tell, I agree with Dr. Curry.

Dr. Huges came up and was VERY combative. You see, her specialty was Domestic Violence which I found funny because she rated her on PTSD. Her interviews with AH, family, and friends, didn’t seem to paint the whole picture to me because why are you asking them questions? Not only that, but the questionnaire that was given asked her about a specific time frame when she was no longer with JD. I had pointed that out in my previous post as well because I have taken those tests. They do them for depression, anxiety, etc. And, when they do them, they put a time frame in it. So, in my case, I talk to a SW every month, but she will ask me “In the last two weeks, how often have you felt…..” If Dr. Hughes did her interviews with AH in 29 days and had questionnaires like my example, she was no longer with JD so how could she score high in the PTSD?

This is what the lawyers also pointed out and Dr. Hughes was just pissed so she served no purpose. I found it to be quite entertaining.

Baggage Claim Lady, TMZ Owned Elaine, and The Trailer Brawl

There were more people that came up that had seen something. TMZ was trying to get one quashed to no avail (and we threatened TMZ too). But the first was the baggage claim lady who saw AH and her ex-wife get into it at the baggage claim. She went over to assist because she saw AH pull a necklace off her partner, but they said they were fine. Nothing came of the claims from what I read. Everything was dropped but she was just a witness to violence on Amber’s part and really didn’t have a dog in the fight. Elaine started getting a little feisty and thinking that people were doing things for 15 minutes of fame. She got her little heart broken when called out on it.

That’s right, we got Mr. Tremaine who got up on the stand and said that the only way they can play any video is if they have proof that the person that sent it has copyrights to it. He also showed that they got a cut video as opposed to the whole video that was presented to the court. In addition to THAT, he stated that TMZ was informed that AH would be at the courthouse to get that TRO and that she would have a whole bruise on her face (but remember, no woman walks out of the house with a bruise on their face). Elaine wanted to get feisty and claimed that Mr. Tremaine just came on so that he could get his 15 minutes of fame. That was her new thing. Who knows who taught her that? But Mr. Tremaine said, “The same could be said for you in taking Amber Heard on as a client.” OOPS!

Everyone did say that he looked like Draco and, although I am not a Harry Potter fan, I did get a laugh out of it.

Now Let’s Talk About the Trailer Guy

This was some hot tea. Elaine was trying to get that man off the stand as fast as she could because they had seen that he had made a comment on Twitter (everyone went and followed the Umbrella Guy and Mr. Night because…why not?). Elaine doesn’t understand Twitter though. She accused him of following the Umbrella Guy who supports JD. However, you don’t have to follow someone to comment on their post. I thought I would just point that out. If someone you follow makes a comment on someone else’s post that you DON’T follow, you can comment in most cases. So that went out the window. Elaine then got back on her 15 minutes of fame horse when she wasn’t able to get him dismissed because they had found out that he had prior knowledge of the trial although he hadn’t been following it. JD’s lawyers reached out to him to find out how much damage was done to the trailer and if it was as bad as AH had let on.

Trailer dude said that JD was happy and being cool and that AH had the attitude problem. He also testified that the only damage to the trailer was a light fixture that he fixed and charged JD about $60.00 to replace. So where was all the carnage and where did all the abuse take place? Where were the pics of the bruises on her neck if she got choked out?

Of course, Elaine tried the 15 minutes of fame thing again, but it was old. She should just throw that defense out. I think she learned her lesson after that.

Forensic Software War

There was a forensic software war, and it was kind of funny. The first expert came on JD’s side and explained that the pics that AH had taken were altered to make her “injuries” look worse. Why do I believe this guy? Although he only has a degree in Political Science, he had a ton of experience in forensic software and had even had government contracts. You can’t just get those so that gave him a lot of credibility.

Amber’s people found a rebuttal witness at the local 7Eleven and got him to talk about the very metadata that they wouldn’t allow JD’s expert to talk about. I found that to be interesting. I also found it hilarious that they made it a point to state that this rebuttal witness had a degree in computers but, sir, you don’t have a government contract which usually comes with security clearances, but we’ll let you think that your degree trumps JD’s expert’s credentials. He gave nothing to the case. We were supposed to think that this dude they found in the Best Buy knew more than the first expert. He didn’t.

Recalling Johnny Depp and Amber Heard to the Stand

This blog is extra long this time but I’m going to make it short. JD got on the stand and talked about how this impacted his family, how he just wanted his reputation and his life back. And the WHOLE time he was up there testifying, that whore of a skank was rolling her eyes and laughing at him. What kind of sick person would do something like that? Yet you’re the victim. Yet you’re the one that got hung out to dry.

Amber gets up on the stage (yeah, I said stage) and starts saying that she hasn’t been laughing and smirking like JD was (although she JUST was when he was pouring his heart out up on the stand). She claimed that she wanted her life back too. She was getting death threats and people were saying they wanted to put her child in the microwave. There are stories that debunk that, and her social media is literally locked down. To this day, you can’t comment on any of her social media so I’m not sure how that came about. The most I have EVER seen anyone say about that baby is that she needs to be taken away before she is made a victim as well. People care about that baby and hope that AH gets help, but she says we want her and her child to die. Because we can’t believe a word she says, I’m just going to let those claims go.

She also claimed that dating her comes with rules so that she doesn’t have a panic or anxiety attack. She stated that, even on the set of Aquaman 2, she had panic attacks when certain scenes and things triggered her. I find that interesting as she had James Franco in the elevator with her snuggled up. Did he get those rules after she got the locks changed so JD couldn’t get into his own penthouse? I wonder.

Closing Arguments

I’m going to make this short too. Amber, in her little plea, let it slip that she did write the op-ed about Johnny, but she didn’t think anyone would know who she was talking about. I don’t know how she didn’t think anyone would know who she was talking about when she made it a point to have TMZ there while she went to get that TRO with that bruise she painted on her face. And who else was she married to that was a man that had power? Bottom line: Everything she said, even with her evidence against JD, showed that she wasn’t the victim as she claimed. All she could do is take pics of things that didn’t matter at the time. If the man was asleep all the time, why not take pics of your bruises after he passed out? I literally had an altercation with my daughter (she has special needs), and she scratched me up. Guess who took pics of my scratches. I’m no fool. I don’t need CPS coming for me.

If this man raped you with a bottle, where were the medical records? We don’t need to see a pic of your vagina, but we do need medical records. Her friends never really SAW anything; they always showed up during the aftermath. And none of the people that were witnesses (and were deposed with a grimace) were still friends with her. That has to tell you something.

The only thing that Elaine and Rottenbutt could really say was that JD had a drug problem. We already knew that and most of us thought that she made the problem worse. They claimed that JD was losing his clout in acting because he was late and drunk all the time. However, it was stated that producers and directors knew that this came with JD and accepted it because he was a talented man. The only things they could keep bringing up was drug and alcohol use. They kept trying to use the texts against him as if people have never said some hateful things about their exes. One wouldn’t want to see the things I have said or thought about my daughter’s deadbeat father. When you are mad and you are hurt, you say some things, but you don’t act on them. And JD never acted on them. Beating up cabinets and throwing things is a way not to touch HER when she is pissing him off. Walking away to his “15 houses” is a way to avoid hitting HER.

Of course, they then tried to play the death threats card as well as the fact that she HAD pictures but they weren’t good enough for us. No, they weren’t good enough or us because she took them days after the “incidents” took place. The UK got this totally wrong and were just really messed up for not allowing JD to present his audio and visual evidence. That’s the only way AH actually won that case in addition to the fact that the judge had a conflict of interest and presided anyway. SMH

Johnny walked up out of that courthouse and went on to live his life. That’s all he could do. He put his life in public to show the world that men can be abused too and that sometimes there are spiteful women out there that do some messed up stuff. Every day that JD came to court and left, he played this song by Bob Marley “War” and I respected him for it. He held up a coin to one of the deputies and we still don’t know if it’s a sobriety coin or if it’s a coin that someone from law enforcement gave to him. This would be the last time we saw JD in Fairfax before the verdict. He did his part and he had to let the chips fall as they may.

WAR!
Verdict

Johnny won on all his counts. He got $15 million technically but they capped it so he got a little over $10 million as the jury did not believe that AH didn’t do what she did without malice and knowing that people would know who she was talking about. He didn’t care about the money. Everyone already had known that.

Amber won too … kind of. She got $2 million because they thought that the lawyer defamed her. Big whoop! He was right though. And she got ZERO in punitive damages.

Both gave a statement. One gave a very well thought out statement thanking everyone that believe them and the other continued to cry victim. I will let you decide who did what. Someone claimed that this verdict set women back many years and that there was no freedom of speech. It was laughable. Then this person said that one party not being in the courtroom for the verdict was rude. You know who said it. And their social media is STILL locked down. In addition to that, the petition to keep ole girl out of Aquaman 2 is almost at 5 million votes.

DMX Said it Best

I hope never to speak of this broad again because I strongly dislike her as a person. If she really wants her life back, she needs to just let this go just like she should have let it go when she got that $7 million in the divorce. Thank you for coming on this ride with me. I didn’t think I would care so much about this case, but it was a lot deeper than I realized in the beginning, but I am happy with the outcome. Now AH just needs to just let it die and leave folks alone.

Please see my other posts about so many other subjects and follow me. I need more people to read. I was told that I made a lot of spelling errors. I had this blog for 8 years now and obtained my degree while writing sporadically. Hopefully, you can see the growth in my writing as I am growing as a person, but I will be rereading all the post and making changes. The funny thing is that a lot of my old posts are still relevant to this day which is weird. I usually just reshare them but I promise to do better.

Priority Policing

Since the Johnny Depp Case, I Have Noticed Something…

Why is there an assumption that, because someone is commenting on one subject, they aren’t concerned about any of the things going on around the world? Everywhere I have literally gone, people have said “There is so much going on in the world besides this case.”

My question to these people is: Do you know how wonderfully we are made? Our brain gives us the opportunity to focus on and do so many things. I literally could go into neuroscience with facts (that was an INTERESTING semester) but I won’t. Our brains are wonderfully made, and I am so sorry that some people cannot accept that thought.

Source: https://www.zocalopublicsquare.org/2018/04/11/consciousness-isnt-mind-body/ideas/essay/

Yes, there are many things going on in the world and this, contrary to what some people believe, is one of them. In another blog I made about trying to literally figure out what brought my attention to this case, I touched on some of the things that made the case important, and it wasn’t just relegated to the fact that Johnny Depp and Amber Heard are celebrities. There was more to it that touched me personally based on events and observations in my life as well as my interests in psychology and criminal justice.

For others, the case was a means of distraction from the rest of the horrible things that don’t seem that they will have a conclusion in this world. We are bombarded with stories of massacres (two within ten days of one another), the anniversary of the George Floyd killing (which makes us think about all of the other unarmed Black men that were murdered at the hands of law enforcement that we KNOW of and can further trigger us), the war in Ukraine, the baby formula shortage (where women are told to “just breastfeed”), and even people being killed for their religion (example, the young woman in Nigeria beaten and burned to death by Muslims because she complained about the class text being used for things other than classwork and assignments). Will these things end? No.

News Coverage

I was in an ABC post on Facebook today and there literally is a bot that tells people that we need to focus on the gas prices and Trump and all this other stuff. People forget that this person is a bot so they agree. I then do my spiel about how wonderfully our brains are made. What can we do about the gas prices right now? Honestly, what can we do but take public transportation, not drive, or bike to our destinations? We want to talk about gun reform. Well, what can we do right now as it’s not time to vote new people into power? We can donate money to the families that lost their loved ones. We can do a lot of things. But the main thing that we can do is have open dialogue on the things that interest us.

I also pointed out to people that there are options. ABC, if you look at their Facebook page, literally covers stories all over the world. Why did you stop on the Johnny Depp thread if you “don’t care”? If you don’t care, don’t click on it. I don’t usually waste my time with people on subjects that I truly don’t care about. They literally were in the court coverage saying that they didn’t care and commenting. Why?

Assumptions About Those of Us That Watched the Trial

Some said we didn’t work. That was a great one. I personally, along with some coworkers, watched and talked about the case while working. I work from home. I watched the case while coding charts (now I’m not going to lie, my productivity went down a bit, but I’ll fix that). Many of us watched while doing little things, cleaning the house, taking care of our kids, taking a break, or just not working that day. But what does it matter? If you’re there with us, don’t project your issues onto us.

Many claimed we were Bots and diehard fans of Johnny Depp. As I had stated in my previous post, I can give a small number of films I have seen him in (POTC (1 and 2), Alice in Wonderland, Crybaby (when I was very young, mom loved the movie), Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (hilarious), Sleepy Hollow, and I think that’s about it. I didn’t know Amber Heard was even IN Aquaman nor who she was before this actual trial; didn’t even know they were married or divorced. I really don’t even know how I heard about this trial except that it was in Fairfax, and I worked most of my medical career in Fairfax. People from all over the world were watching the trial. People were up at 2 a.m. watching this. It was worldwide news because it was about more than Johnny Depp. I had no dog in the fight, but I always said that, when I get old and retire, I would like to just sit in court cases because I have always had an interest in law (although I didn’t pick that as my major, I did two semesters of paralegal studies, it’s no joke).

When the Texas massacre occurred, everyone scattered. Johnny Depp v Amber Heard was no longer our interest at that time. We shed tears, tried to explain what happened to our children, and looked for more information on what happened. That trial was NOT more important than the loss of the lives of babies and their 2 heroic teachers. That would be a heartless thing to say. Just as it would be heartless to think that we didn’t care about the killings in Buffalo, NY. But what can we do but talk about gun reform? That’s a hard topic to even try to find a solution to which is why this keeps happening. I will write about my thoughts on it as a person with a mental illness that, in my state, can’t legally own a gun if I’m being truthful on an application for a permit.

If one were to look at my blogs, they would say that that they cover a lot of subjects. And even THESE subjects aren’t the only things on my mind, sadly. I think a LOT about everything. We have to also understand that some people can’t take so much bad news at a time. It literally can add to depression and suicidal ideations.

So if someone wants to engage in entertainment news to take their minds off the horrible world that we live in, please let them. They truly are not hurting you and it’s really none of your business. Don’t try to shame them for that. You don’t know their story and we ALL have a story.

In the End…

If what someone else pays attention to doesn’t hurt you in any way, just let them be. We’re all out here trying to survive and struggling with things like inflation, COVID, caring about the safety of our kids, paying rent, keeping the job that we have IF we have one, feeding our families, keeping our mental health together, etc. We don’t need to be shamed for caring about something that you might not deem worthy.

This World…..

To say that this pisses me off is an understatement.

I will talk about Johnny Depp another day.

As a parent, this shit pisses me off.

As a HUMAN, this shit pisses me off.

What did those children do to deserve a death like that? What did the teacher do to deserve a death like that?

NOTHING!

We just had a massacre in Buffalo TEN DAYS AGO. Is it open season on a certain demographic of people? Our elders and our babies can’t even do what they’re supposed to do without a threat to their lives.

At this point, we are getting numb to this and that, IN ITSELF, is a problem.

I don’t care about this young man’s mentality or motive at this point.

What I care about is the deaths of these poor children, consoling and comforting their families, and making sure that this does not scar the survivors forever.

I care about their mental health at this point.

I have to hug my daughter and be happy that she is ignorant to things like this due to her intellectual disability.

I am TIRED of all of this.

And people wonder why people want to unalive themselves. What’s there to live for? This world is TRASH! NOTHING BUT TRASH!

You killed children for what? What did you get from it?

I went to a school with metal detectors.

People complain about it now, but we understood it over 20 years ago.

My condolences to those families impacted by this senseless BS that this idiot decided to carry out for no reason. Thanks for SCARRING the survivors and families.

To say I am pissed isn’t even the word.

Next time, just take yourself out. This is STUPID!

This world is trash!

R.I.P to all these innocent victims in Texas AND Buffalo!

I Don’t Even Know if I Want to do This Recap (JD v AH Trial Recap for 5/23/2022)

RIP to my brain cells. Even got into an argument (and blocked) someone because they don’t understand how objective the judge was being (and we were on the same side) but let’s get to this mess so I can update my friends and go to bed.

Dr. Richard Moore, the Ortho Surgeon

Worthless! Can I just end it here? No? Okay, well basically, this guy says that Johnny’s hand wasn’t the way that he said it was for him to sustain the injury that he sustained to his finger. Mind you, he wasn’t here, he did not pick the piece of finger up off the floor, he did not seem to review the pics of the scene either. Basically, he was worthless.

His reasoning was not based off a reenactment or anything but the medical records (he harped on the fact that they said that they didn’t have to remove glass) and pretty much tried to call the doctor, witnesses, and the ER doctor liars. All those people lied. Basically, he was speculating that this was a crushing injury due to the fragments of bone and the fact that his fingernail was still intact. But, depending on the trajectory of said vodka bottle throw, it is very possible that injury could have been caused by the vodka bottle. There were pics of glass and blood on the floor. The doc got paid a ton of money to sit up there and be wrong though. I mean, can I get that job? I did most of nursing school and am good with medical terms and all. I digress.

This Psychiatrist got the same treatment the DV “expert” got from onlookers
Dr. Spiegel, the Psychiatrist

Elaine used a LOT of time on this man today. A LOT of time. Being objective and having the knowledge that I have about antipsychotics; I will say that this psychiatrist would have done a better job had he kept it short and sweet. I think he, like the person after him, got a bit too cocky.

I will actually talk about his testimony before they did a cross examination on him so that people can understand. He talked about IPV (intimate partner violence) and how the meds that JD was on could make up a perfect storm for him to actually abuse AH. HOWEVER, he messed up. He didn’t review all the information before going on the stand. But let me back up.

Basically, he was called to be an expert on IPV and the risk factors that would lead to it. What is a risk factor? Well, risk factors are actually variables that would increase the chance of something happening. An example in the medical field is diabetes. Risk factors for diabetes usually involve your weight, race, age, prediabetes, and family history. While these variables can INCREASE your chances of getting diabetes, it does not definitively MEAN you will GET diabetes.

What Dr. Spiegel did, without even interviewing JD, was speculate that, because of the prescription and non-prescription drugs he was on, he would most likely engage in IPV. The thing about the medical field is that it goes based off probability, studies, and sometimes speculation. It’s really a guessing game. Nothing is always set in stone, but they try to make the most educated guess that they can. I felt bad for doctors today.

The prescribed drugs that Johnny Depp was on were Neurontin (Gabapentin) which can be used for nerve pain and seizures for the most part. Although I know this for a fact (certified coder here), I will give you proof here. In addition to this, he was on Ritalin for ADHD, and dang on Seroquel. I have some serious experience with Seroquel. It is usually used for bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. It helps the mind slow down and WILL put you out. I have literally fallen asleep with food in my mouth on the stuff. AND I got medication induced diabetes from it after 8 years of being on it. It makes you VERY hungry so taking it at night (which you NEED to do) is just a recipe for weight gain BUT you will fall asleep. Here is the info on Seroquel according to WebMD here.

Knowing what we know about the medications above, one would think that JD would be a whole zombie. How exactly is it possible for him to just jump up after being sleepy to go attack someone? In addition to this, in a pic that AH took of JD “nodding off” with ice cream in his hands (yes, I have done that too after taking my dang on Seroquel), the doctor, who clearly didn’t look at the pics, said that JD had vomited on himself when it was actually melted ice cream. Great job, AH. Instead of helping the man you supposedly love, you take a pic of him with ice cream on his pants. Again, I digress.

Now, the psychiatrist was correct (I mean, he DOES have a degree) in the statement that taking too much of said drugs (he claimed he did but there was no proof as there was no drug test so that’s all gone) in addition to drugs like oxy or cocaine can kill you. Yes, this is true. Why isn’t he dead yet? Well? Probably because he isn’t doing all those drugs and we’re going off AH’s testimony of what she thinks is going on when she could very well be partaking as well.

They cross examined Dr. Spiegel and it was just a mess. He started doing this weird thing with his jaw and it looked as though he was going to come undone. I don’t know the name of the lawyer that did the cross, but he sure pissed Dr. Spiegel off. JD and Mr. Chew were just watching, and his credibility fell to shreds. My concern was that the lawyer could have very well USED the testimony against AH, but he chose to pretty much discredit the doctor to the point that none of his testimony was even effective. I say this because everything that Dr. Spiegel put on JD was literally a description of AH given to us by Dr. Shannon Curry (one of my heroes) when she when down the list of BPD and HPD. They could have played it that way but he’s the one with the law degree.

Elaine tried to bring up Dr. Curry and JD’s lawyer was NOT having it. Sir, you did not one interview with JD, you went off testimony, and you literally speculated this whole thing. THEN JD’s lawyer and Dr. Spiegel argued about the APA for longer than it was needed. I agreed with Dr. Spiegel where he said that doctors give opinions based off medical records, testimony, and depositions all the time, but he should NOT have given a diagnosis. He was wrong in that. Everyone else that gave a psychiatric diagnosis actually interacted with the person they were diagnosing, did interviews, and tests, he didn’t. He tried to say that JD was a narcissist. He even tried to talk about JD using an earpiece to remember his lines (they said he listened to music in them); then he spoke on how slow JD talked and how he had a bad memory. He did all this while asking the lawyers to repeat questions because HE forgot what he was asked. Okay, enough about him. The last clown is coming up.

Oh, and people (petty) went to his page to leave 1-star reviews. I keep saying not to do that. First of all, it’s going to get taken down. Secondly, don’t do people like that with small businesses. I worked for a small business and you wouldn’t want someone to do that to you. You don’t have to agree with the man but don’t try to ruin his coins. It makes you another Amber Heard which means you’re a hypocrite. Do better! (See: Let’s Talk About Yelp!)

Casting Expert, Kathryn Arnold
Source: https://www.theentertainmentexpert.com/about

The last “expert” that has a chance to come up again took up a lot of time. She told us her credentials and what she was supposed to do. She was extremely biased (as I am but I can admit it) and said that the comments that JD’s lawyer (who really wasn’t allowed to testify because of privileged information) had a hand in ruining AH’s career. Her task, however, was to tell about the impact of the op-ed, UK case, and comments by JD’s lawyer and how it impacted both parties.

Her testimony was long and drawn out. She used info from the other people and said that comments killed AH’s career. No, AH killed her own career. You don’t go to court with a bruise on your face and then write an op-ed and think that people aren’t going to put 2 and 2 together. They also talked about an article coming out at the same time that the op-ed did and claimed that AH couldn’t have leaked that information to the other source. It was a bunch of cloudy mess.

She claimed that the words that JD’s lawyer had said when he said that AH’s claims were a hoax were reflected in the trends. They weren’t. And most of the people in the chat said they didn’t even know who Amber Heard was until this case (myself included). None of the words said by JD’s lawyer were hashtagged. We didn’t get #amberturd from him nor #amberheardisaliar or #JusticeforJohnnyDepp so her testimony really was a mess.

The biggest place she messed up, however, was by trying to compare AH to the likes of Gal Gadot, Chris Pine, Zendaya, and Jason Momoa. That’s where she messed up. Also, for such an expert casting person, she didn’t know a lot about movies. She didn’t know the movies AH was in and she didn’t know why comparing her to the likes of those mentioned above was a far cry from a fair comparison. She also contradicted herself a few times and it went over her head. She said that she spoke to Disney, but no one would speak to her but then she lied and said she talked to them. No, you didn’t, you said they didn’t talk to you. She also said that Jason Momoa and AH had “chemistry”. I don’t know about that, but a lot of people said that they didn’t.

They even gave spoilers to Aquaman 2 and Dune. I found that to be a bit funny personally. It was funny, however, that one minute she said that the casting people keep info close to the chest and don’t talk about salaries and the next she was giving out said information. She got her butt handed to her when JD’s lawyer pointed out that there were a bunch of Batmen and Supermen. AH could easily be replaced, and no one would care. They even went down the list of Batmen which was funny. Bottom line: Yes, AH had a hand in Aquaman and Justice League (no one remembers seeing her in it) but she can be replaced by someone that would help the numbers continue to grow. Her being in the movie would not help with the revenue for the movie at this point.

Then they started arguing about fires and it was almost time for me to get off work. Elaine wanted to get back up there and redirect, and she just made herself look so stupid that even the judge had to help her because she was SO tired, and it was 5:30 p.m. We are waiting to see if the Defense is going to call JD back up on the stand which would be suicide for their case as you don’t want to put him back up there because his testimony will be fresh in the jury’s mind. That’s a bad call.

We do know (I guess) that Kate Moss will be on the stand on Wednesday because AH opened that mouth of hers while she was talking about a fight between JD and her sister. She opened the door for Kate Moss to walk through. She will be testifying via video as to AH’s claim that JD pushed her down the stairs. Kate Moss, don’t you f*ck this up! So far, she has been one of the people that only had good things to say about him. She dated him as well. Everyone he has dated, except that old hag that made it a point to let the court know that she had a “sexual” relationship with JD, has said he was a good dude.

Most people, including myself, are speculating that JD’s mental health and well-being declined once he got with AH. We believe that this was when he started being late to work, being drunk or high, etc. and not fulfilling his duties. Maybe someone will bring that up in the dwindling time we have left to hash this out. I don’t know but, at this point, I truly want this to be over. At least we saw JD looking up today. Probably had a crook in his neck. Poor thing.

In Conclusion….

Pray for that poor Judge. Pray for the jury. Pray Johnny’s neck. It has to hurt looking down all the time. Shoot, just pray for all the J’s because this is a mess and I’m glad it will be over soon. I am glad I am not in that court, on the jury, a fly on the wall, a bee, an alpaca, a Yorkie. Someone end this!

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